Conscious and Unconscious Personal Development
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Personal development happens – either consciously or unconsciously. The unconscious life is characterized by reactions to a life unchosen. The conscious life requires some work but provides access to personal power and choice.
Unconscious personal development occurs naturally and begins as a matter of survival. If we didn’t develop as persons, we would remain dependent for our entire lives. But most of us do develop over time. Our belief systems are developed according to the meanings we have attached to the experiences of our lives. Initially, we are not aware of this developmental process. In fact, without an intentional exploration of this phenomenom, many of us conclude, “This is just who I am.”
Our bodies develop according to the natural maturation process partnered with our beliefs about food and physical activity and are influenced by who we associate with in our lives. Out of concerns for fitting in and avoiding rejection or criticism, this is one of the first developmental areas many consciously attempt to influence. As I write this article, I am concerned about my weight. I don’t like how I look with my not-so-stylish big belly. I judge myself and assume others judge me as well. And I’m concerned, at my advanced age about the health implications from carrying around excess fat.
We develop habits and patterns associated with the emotions we feel. We suppress them, freely express them, or use them persuasively. This too, at least at first, is an unconscious developmental process.
We develop our minds through education and influence, initially consuming information as true and valid until, at an early age, we begin to judge that information as right or wrong, important or not, desirable or repulsive, and helpful or harmful.
We develop spiritually as we accept the answers to the unsolved mysteries of existence provided by our families and society. Gradually we may sort through these ideas, rejecting some and keeping others. Those we keep we live by and might even pursue a deeper understanding and seek the practical applications.
Conscious personal development occurs when we realize we can have a say in how we develop.
At the core of most of our development lies our belief system; a collection of ideas that we embrace as true. If we don’t question our beliefs, they rarely change. Conscious personal development begins with awareness of these beliefs and a curiosity about them. Where did I get this idea? How has it served me? Is it serving me now? Do I still believe it?
Thought habits are called beliefs. And like behavioral habits which we repeat without question or even awareness, we act from beliefs until we question them.
A man watches his new wife in the kitchen as she prepares a roast to place into the oven. When he observes that she cuts two inches off the end of the roast before placing it in the roaster, he asks why she does so. “This is the way my mother taught me to do it,” she replies.
The following weekend, when they are at her mother’s house, the husband asks his mother in law, “Why do you cut two inches off the end of a roast before placing it in the oven?”
At first the woman is puzzled. Noting her confusion, he adds, last week, when I asked your daughter why she cut two inches off the roast, she said that was how you taught her to do it.
The woman laughs in understanding and says, “When she was a little girl, the only pan I had was 2” shorter than the roast. So I cut off the extra 2 inches and used it for stew meat.”
Much of what we do, and much of what we think and believe was observed and learned along the way. But if what we learned was an adaptation to conditions that no longer apply, it can be helpful to challenge the status quo and consciously choose what to believe and how to behave based on current conditions and reality.
A common beginning for conscious personal development is marked by some sort of a painful breakdown such as a financial, career, or relationship crisis. Personal growth can be ignited due to the shock of a failed relationship, the death of a loved one, consequences of addiction, or disappointment, discouragement, or failure in any area of life.
The breakdown gets your attention and naturally, you attempt to identify the cause. At first, you may assume that the cause of the breakdown is outside of your control or responsibility. You may try to get control of the external circumstance that seems to be source of the breakdown. You might get a new job, put yourself on a budget, threaten to leave your partner if they don’t change, find a new relationship, or move to a different state.
It may take years to recognize that you are the common denominator in repeating patterns. “Why do I keep getting these crappy jobs?” “Apparently all the good men/women are taken.” “The politics in this state are stupid.” These are all thoughts of someone who has not yet realized that rearranging external circumstances puts the cart before the horse.
When, finally, we see that we have the power and the responsibility to make changes, we begin our conscious journey of personal development.
The old saying is that if you keep doing what you have always done, you will keep getting what you have always gotten. I agree. Do something different and you will probably get something different. But not everything you do will result in a sustainable and lasting difference.
Trying and failing to change is a painful experience that can erode self-confidence and could lead to believing change isn’t possible. But it is possible to do something different if you understand why you do what you have always done and are willing and able to go through the discomfort of change.
What do you want your life to look like? How would someone with a life like that believe, think, feel, react, and act?
What would it take to learn how to believe, think, feel, react, and act in that way?
I have experienced all I have described here. I was about 45 years old before I began to consciously and effectively influence my personal development. I found a method that helped me to question my thinking and change my beliefs. Then I found a way to heal my past emotional wounds.
I didn’t exactly find power over the circumstances of my life. While I am happy with my life circumstances, they don’t determine my happiness. But I did recognize that I have the power to honestly look at what makes me tick. I have the power to look at myself and I have the power to choose healing and repair and reinvention.
Conscious personal development can answer the important questions in life:
Who am I and who am I not?
What makes me think, feel, and act as I do?
How can I change the thoughts, feelings, and actions that aren’t working for me?
What do I really want in life?
How can I start living the life I want?
For years I developed unconsciously. It wasn’t until I took responsibility for my personal development that my life reflected an updated version of my personal values and preferences. I know who I am, I understand what makes me think, feel, and act as I do, I know how to change thoughts, feelings and actions that aren’t working for me, I know what I want in life, and I know how to live that life.
You can know these things too if you are willing to consciously take responsibility for your personal development.
