New Year Checkup

New Year Checkup

Marty: : Welcome to Leadership Coaching. It's good to be back with you in the new year. Now we've, you've had a, we've released a few episodes already this year, and yet it's that time in the new year when we start to go, wait a minute, how new is this? And, and there's also the question, how new should it be? Right? How old would you like it to be? Maybe it's good that it's not all that new. So, this is where we'd like to pick up today. I'm Martin Ketelhut, glad to be with you, and my partner in this crime is Bill Tierney.

Bill: : Yeah, uh, partner in the crime. When you're talking about we're already a few years, a few weeks into 2025, we're actually recording this on January 1st, but we've got four episodes already recorded that are going to be released. Plus, I know that we're going to be having Ileana join us on the 15th, so this might not even be released until, let's say, the middle of February. yeah, let's kind of look at it from that perspective. Six, five, six weeks into the year. How's it going so far?

Marty: : Right, right.

Bill: : Yeah.

Marty: : Is it, is it, you know, does it have the energy that you want the New Year to have? You've got, you've had a couple, you know, a month and a half now to sort of see, like, did the ideas that you had on, you know, at the New Year's Eve party, are they playing out? Are they getting implemented or not? Or did you have some ideas about the way the new year should be? Then now you're like, I'm not so much identified with those anymore.

Bill: : Yeah. So resolutions. I mean, that's a word that maybe it's old school. I don't know if people still do New Year's resolutions or not, but I know I used to do them all the time. And usually they were, I'm going to quit this thing. I'm going to stop doing that. I know my daughter also has, and she spends the month of December thinking about what is my word of the year going to be this year?

Marty: : That's I was just with a client who does the same thing. She's like, I don't do resolutions anymore, but I got three words, right.

Bill: : Yeah.

Marty: : And they're not just, just to be. Clear their words, but their energy, their labels or symbols for an energy, you know, like the word could be joy or the word could be organization or, but, but it's an energy that that it's not the word we're interested in. It's what it.

Bill: : Yes. Yeah. So there's a lot of ways to approach a new beginning, a new year. one is to just ignore it as, as it's another day. Yesterday was December 31st. Today is January 1st. So what,

Marty: : Mhm.

Bill: : what's different, if anything, other than the measurement of time, it's only different if we want it to be. And if we declare it to be and set an intention to do something different than, than we've done in the past.

Marty: : And it's a good opp that these sort of celebr Because humankind noticed like, oh, it's good to have a, you know, a reflection on what we're thankful for Thanksgiving or, you know, the light coming back into our lives at Christmas or Hanukkah, whichever, you know, whatever you celebrate. But, as you just said, you know, it might be that, that there's no change desired and, and it's just a matter of noticing time passing. Uh, so it's an opportunity and it's, it's your choice.

Bill: : That's right. That's right. So direction do we want to go here? One, one thought that I have is that we might talk about what each of us are doing about this new beginning, this new, new year, what our intentions are for the year. How does that sound? Is that a good place to start? Do you suppose

Marty: : Um,

Bill: : you have another idea?

Marty: : I like, I like that idea, and I'm also thinking I want to, at some point, get around to, okay, so you had a great idea, if, if you had a great idea, and it doesn't seem to be panning out, what needs, what's the course correction, right? That, so I did want to get to that topic too. Right,

Bill: : you and I going about this opportunity to reset Uh, for the new year and, and if, if the listener, uh, six, five, six, seven weeks into the years, listening to this, they've had enough time to see if there's any momentum and traction on what they intended, or if they haven't intended anything, even then, what do they want to do about it?

Marty: : right. Right.

Bill: : basically what you're saying? Just

Marty: : Yes, exactly.

Bill: : reset the reset again, possibly.

Marty: : Right.

Bill: : Okay, cool. So Marty, have you done any formal planning for 2025?

Marty: : I have indeed. Yes. I use the technology that we talked about project design, um, to create my goals and, um, uh, places to stand and everything for the new year. Yes. I don't have that right in front of me, but I could pull it up. Um, but I think that, like, What I want to say about that is that, you know, I recognized in our work and in having been a coach for many years that I like to take advantage of the opportunity that it's a new year. And it's been for me, and for many people, I know 2024 was, you know, an event filled and not always easy year. to, I want to say wake up into the new year and, and get intentional, get, creative and, powerful is the word I'm looking for about, you know, what, what's going to, what 2025 is going to be like. It seems to me, you know, it's, it's something that I'm interested in doing. So I, I actually designed a pro you know, a project, the project of 20, 25.

Bill: : So you have an intention, you have a, an actual designed plan, a project that's planned out, complete with, I assume, complete with the actions that you need to take and consistent, repeatable things that you're going to be doing in order to achieve that plan. And do you mind if I ask, are you willing to share any details about the plan in terms of like, what are the goals, objectives, or measurements?

Marty: : Um, it's kind of complex. I, I could

Bill: : Is it based on business or personal life or a combination of both?

Marty: : both. Yeah. I like to, I like to come from. A general place, my, my, my plan is all about integration, right? So I don't want, I, I'm, I'm not thinking in terms of, okay, what am I doing for work? Like, is, if that's in a silo and then what am I doing in my personal life is if that's an aside, like, part of my whole plan. That's my biggest word at the top of my plan is integration. It's about, you know, let's say, well, one of one of my possibilities for the year is a possibility of being joyful. Right? And if there's if, if personal and professional are pulling against each other. destroys the joyfulness. So

Bill: : Right.

Marty: : I start with joy and then then I look at how does that get expressed in work? And how does that get expressed in in my private life? As opposed to what is my goal here in work? And then what is my goal here? And then

Bill: : see.

Marty: : And then they don't, they don't integrate.

Bill: : Yeah. Yeah. They may or may not integrate, right. They could, they could still integrate.

Marty: : They could, right.

Bill: : if you're not intentional about it, there's less of there's less of a chance that they will. I love that. So you're, uh, you're not, you're not them. You're, you're just thinking about your whole life. And what I hear from you is that the word of the year for you is integration and the feel of the year for you is joyful.

Marty: : Yeah. I mean, just another example, um, I had a lot, I did a lot of experimenting with marketing, different kinds of marketing in 2024

Bill: : Yeah.

Marty: : they were disintegrated. From what really drives me as a business person and as a human being. Right. They were like techniques or, you know, schemes in no sense. Right. And I paid a lot of money for them too. And, and I think part of the reason why they weren't as successful as I'd like is because they weren't They, they were separate. Like, okay, I'll go do this marketing thing now. And, and it didn't really come from the center of my being. Right. Well, that's another place where, you know, I'm the, the general plan that I designed is about being myself with, with people, you know, in conversation and in sales conversations. Being more authentically me and not doing this marketing thing separate from being me, right?

Bill: : Yeah.

Marty: : So there's another one of the levels of integration. Does that give you a better sense of of my

Bill: : You're noticing, uh, in contrast to what you experienced in 2024, you went 25. If you're going to be marketing, for example, if you're going to be doing some marketing,

Marty: : which I am because I'm in business, of course,

Bill: : write and you are, because you're in business, but you, but I'm also hearing that you are and you intend to be you're, you're, you're going to do it with intention. You're going to be conscious of what you're doing. You're not going to just hope something happens.

Marty: : right? Well,

Bill: : And in fact, you're laughing, but I've had years where I hoped something would happen. I didn't have an intention. I didn't have a plan. And guess what happened? Not much.

Marty: : yeah, which is not to say That I don't hope something will happen. It's just that I also have a structure

Bill: : Yes,

Marty: : to, to make it more likely that something will happen.

Bill: : I would say that, um, unlike you don't really have a structured project designed to plan. Although you and Nora and I worked on one a few weeks back in one of those and recorded it as an episode. I do have that. I'm not saying that I don't have that, but I'm holding it pretty loosely. Uh, because what's driving it is the tempo and pace of the writing that I'm doing that will result in the book I end up having published sometime in 2025. I do have an objective and that is to have the first draft of it, uh, completed enough to submit to my publisher by my birthday on March 26th. And it looks like I'm pretty well on pace for that. the way, know, I know we talked about, we were going to check in from time to time to see how I was doing on my project. So I'll just report now. If this comes out in the middle of February, that means that I'm going to only be five or six weeks away by the time listeners get this. from, from that release date. But really, I don't, I shouldn't say release date. From the day that I submit my, Draft to the publisher for its first edit. Um, and, and so one pretty significant thing that's happened just since maybe the last time we've talked about this on, on the podcast is that the book has, has mushroomed so much. I'm under contract that the publisher to publish a book between 40 and 60,000 words. And so far I've got 80, 000 words and I'm not out of part one yet. So it looks like,

Marty: : Oh, my goodness.

Bill: : looking like it's going to end up being two books, which is kind of exciting. I was feeling pressured and burdened by the idea of, Oh my God, I going to cut? I love all of this. And how am I going to get the word count down to where the publisher tells me it needs to be? Well, somebody suggested my, in fact, it was my writing coach, Jerry Wackler, just yesterday said, well, maybe this is two books. Boom. The light came on. Yep. It looks like it's going to be two books. So this little, you know, report that I'm giving you right now is kind of what happens once we have a plan and begin to work it. It's a good example of what happens once we have a plan and we begin to work at it's time, sometimes to adjust and reset a little bit,

Marty: : Yes.

Bill: : not in the overall objective, but, but maybe, maybe it's in, in, in the, the scope of what we, what we already identified, what I've already identified. I want to do, I want to get this book published and I probably would have said three, four months ago, how about a second book? If you had said that to me, I would have said, no, thank you. I think one's going to be enough. Now I'm seeing already. I need to have a second book even before I've got the first one done.

Marty: : Yeah. Um, I could give a similar, uh, example, even though it's the first of the year that as we're recording, um, I can tell that one of the things that is part of my project, that's, you know, my success at the this part that we that I mentioned, which is, um, Marketing my business, there's a requirement in it that I haven't been doing in December because I wrote this at the beginning of December and I, so I need to be aware starting today of socializing more, right? That's part of what is going to bring in the businesses that I'm out in the world, interacting with people and they get to see what it's like to be with me and they decide to hire me. hire me as their coach. And I had, I didn't do much that. I didn't do enough of that in December. Um, and so I can already see there's, I, I need to, there's an adjustment that needs to be made there for me to be successful. In the new year at what I intend. So I'm looking at, you know, like groups to join or to start right to to have to to be in in social connection with people. So what what I. I think the crucial moment there, you know, if you're six weeks into your year and you're going, Oh, I got something like that. I said, I was going to be socializing in my case, or, you know, maybe going to the gym or, or, um, what have you like keeping track of my finances, um, whatever it might be for you and you're not. And, you know, it's like, okay, I said that, but I'm not doing it. Right? So then there needs to be a moment of truth with self. This is the crucial thing, I think, right? It's a, it's a personal coming to Jesus moment or to Mohammed, however you practice, where in that moment of truth, life can alter. In a profound way, right? And that was what was missing when the intention was set is that there was a moment. There's something that wasn't taking the count. Like, if this is going to work, I'm going to need this structure. I'm going to need this accountability partner. I'm going to need, you know, new clothes to go to this new job and have it be success. I don't know. It could be anything like that. But there's got to be that, that moment. And what's beautiful about that moment of, you know, facing the truth about why things aren't working is that, you know, life can transform that fast. You can, you can have a set a whole new. set out on a whole new path that will be much more successful. But there's got to be that reckoning with what didn't I take into account about myself or the

Bill: : hmm.

Marty: : stances?

Bill: : Mm hmm. So in 12 Step, they, get, we talk about, um, taking an inventory and that's what it sounds like to me that you're referring to is how did I do, where did I maybe come up short? What am I happy with? What, what would I like to continue or build upon that, that, that worked well? did I learn that I don't want to have to repeat again? Is, am I getting the gist of what you're pointing at here? Mm hmm.

Marty: : Yes, yes, very much so. I mean, one of the most common ways that I've heard this occur is that people will say, Oh, that turned out to be pie in the sky and then they give it up. Right. And then it comes back next year again. Like, so there, there is a wanting there and then it doesn't pan out. And so it gets. You know, put away as pie in the sky or dreaming or, you know, it gets devalued. And yet there was, there is an impetus there to do something and it comes back next January 1st too. So what, what's, what's the distance between those two, like what's missing about the idea, right, that would make it real, that would make it realizable. As opposed to just writing it off like, well, I guess it was, I guess it was thinking to, you know, to hopefully or something like that.

Bill: : Yeah. Yeah. Maybe I was biting off more than I could chew more, more than I deserve more than I. And so therefore I'm just going to settle for what I got instead.

Marty: : Right. Exactly. And in some cases, yes, you want to be okay. That was unrealistic. I don't know what I was thinking. Um, but in other cases, it's like, oh, wait, there's something there that's important. Don't throw it out. Just structure

Bill: : with the desire.

Marty: : for success.

Bill: : Yeah. When you say there's something there, that's important. Don't throw it out. What we do know, as you described this would be the desire to have that thing or to get that result. Or to have that experience.

Marty: : Right?

Bill: : the desire and and if it comes back again next year, uh, it's knocking on the door again. It's, you still have the desire even if you form some sort of an adaptive strategy to accept the fact that you're not going to get it. It's still there. And to me, I really believe we have internal guidance systems that are built right in that, you know, that can be miscalibrated. We can, we can actually go for the things that really, Aren't what we're supposed to be having or doing or getting the experiences. We're not, not, not experiences we're supposed to be having. And so we might go down the road a little ways and that might be what's missing is the clarification, the clarity that we might need to plug into. What is it exactly? For example, I might think that I'm really looking for adventures. So I go out and I think I need to buy a brand new, you know, 2025 Tahoe, and that's going to be the adventure. Well, it turns out it's, it's more like a 1, 500 a month, Tahoe payment. And that's, there's nothing adventurous about that

Marty: : Right.

Bill: : we can't afford to drive it. It's sitting in the garage. I can't, I don't have any money left after the payment and the insurance. Maybe the adventure is about maybe I take a little bit more risks and, and get more social, go out and get like, you're just saying like, And get connected with with people and that doesn't cost 1500 a month. And maybe that's more true to meeting what it's going to take to meet that desire for adventure. Just as an example,

Marty: : Here's another good example. My friend Brad, um, he and his son had a rough year. His son is, you know, mid teens and it's probably, you know, natural what they're going through, but he, his commitment in 2024 was to, you know, get to spend more time is what he said with his son. And, uh, and so what he's been doing is he's, he. Rearranged his schedule so that he could be at all his son's baseball games and football games and swim meets. So his dad, so Brad is sitting in the stands watching his son play all these sports and that's supposed to be spending more time, which is still not quite. Resolving the, you know, the relationship issues is spending more time. Doesn't totally speak to the heart of the matter and sitting in the stands, watching his son play sports. Doesn't even speak to that, right? So he's doing a big course correction. He's like, okay, I might not be at all your, and now his son's becoming, you know, expecting him to be at all the games. And so he's like, listen. Mark, I might not be at all the games. What the point here was that I wanted us to be closer. So let's figure out when we can spend time, time together that, you know, where we're face to face, you're not on the field and I'm in the stands and we're actually doing something that enriches our relationship, right? So there's a similar example to the one that with the

Bill: : better example, much better example. It's real life. And you've got, you've got someone in your life that you know about. That's that's yeah, perfect.

Marty: : so look, we've been referring to it. I, I call it the heart of the matter of the essence thing, right? That that's one of the things that might lead to the course correction that you're looking for. To succeed at your goals in 2025. It's like, okay, I'm doing something around the issue, but I'm not addressing the heart of the matter.

Bill: : I'm thinking of a client and I'm not going to name him. Um, just out of, I, I, but I will tell some elements of what I'm learning from his experience. that is that, um, he finds that it's difficult to get himself to go in to take actions. He has a plan. He knows what needs to happen. He knows what actions he needs to take. And he also knows what's at stake if he doesn't take those actions. He's not going to get the outcome and the result that he wants.

Marty: : Uh huh.

Bill: : really wants this outcome and these results. And so through the exploration that IFS can provide, which is what I employ with my clients when we come up against a brick wall or any kind of an obstacle to able to take the actions or to accomplish the overall objective. What he is discovering is that he's got parts that are scared to let him take those actions, because if he's successful, he might be somehow exposed, and that feels a little dangerous.

Marty: : Yep.

Bill: : If I'm successful, people are going to notice, and if people notice, they might see what it is that I really don't want them to see about me.

Marty: : Mm

Bill: : even that is so vague. You know, he's not clearly aware. What is it that I don't want people to know about me? Interestingly, interestingly, through an IFS exploration, we begin to see a little bit of it. Oh, this goes back a long, long decades. This goes back years and years and years and years and automatically, there's this built in resistance to having success that's equal to the built in resistance to failing

Marty: : hmm. Hmm.

Bill: : in a place of stuckness. And I think this is pretty common.

Marty: : Fear of success.

Bill: : both success, because if I'm if I'm I'm going to get attention that maybe I don't want

Marty: : Mm hmm. Mm hmm.

Bill: : fear of failing because if I fail, I'm going to get a different kind of attention that I also don't want, but when it's around managing things like what people think of me, I have their approval or not, uh, the values of other people or the unresolved past, by the way, all of those things that I just named are probably from an unresolved past. Then the clarity in the world that we can muster for what we want in our lives now can get derailed and sabotaged. So I think a deeper conversation is often necessary too, to, to get to, as you say, the heart of the matter and maybe the, the core of what is difficult about, about having or achieving or doing or being who it is that we want to be.

Marty: : I, I want to just also throw in some, you might, there might be people out there listening, thinking, well, I got to the core of the matter, but what I discovered is this is going to take three years. What I set out to do,

Bill: : Yeah.

Marty: : and I don't know if I want to. Like, there, there's this stop stuckness there, like, oh, my God, it's bigger than I thought, you know, when you actually start to play out your, your, you might have a well structured design for your project. And then, when you start to implement, you recognize, oh, my gosh, this is a lot longer than I thought. It's not a 3 month plan. This is a 3 year plan. Um, and so, you know, that, that might be, or, or vice versa. You might have thought, Oh God, it's going to take me a whole year to write this book and you, you, you sit down and it's, you get it done in three months. And what do I do with the rest of the year? So there, that's one thing is the timing. The timing might be something that needs to be adjusted.

Bill: : Another reset

Marty: : Another reset,

Bill: : and just building that right in to the plan that, uh, through the process of taking these actions, I, I, I find that my projected timeline is off, am I willing to reset if it is going to take three years? And I thought it was going to take three months. Am I willing to reset? And what, what happens inside what I get curious about. Initially, what happens inside when I realize it's going to take three years instead of three months? Am I discouraged? I disappointed? What am I making it mean about me about what I want?

Marty: : right? Exactly. This is the most important point here is that, you know, this isn't about restructuring necessarily that I might lead to that, but it's the internal what's going on, um, internally and, and how to address that. That's what will make a difference.

Bill: : Right, right. Okay.

Marty: : another, another, I'm just thinking of examples and what might be, um, The source of the adjustment that needs to be made for you to have the success that you planned for 2025. And, um, another thing that, like, I've talked about before on this podcast, when I was in academia. I had trouble toward the end of that career. It got harder and harder to work. I just kept resisting more and more and more and it ground to a halt. And I got my, you know, I got out of the field because it's like this is clearly not working. And what was what was missing there? What needed to be changed so that I could really renew my, my spirit and, and my enthusiasm for working was people. You know, I was working as an academic. I was working alone. So you might have a goal that you thought you're going to accomplish all by yourself, you know, and now you realize, you know, I don't go work on it. I'm not getting anywhere because it's just me

Bill: : Mm hmm.

Marty: : right. And so the, the, the adjustment to succeed might just be to get other people involved. You know, at the very least accountability partner or a coach. Um, but it might be this, you want to create a team and have a whole bunch of fun as a team, accomplishing this goal, instead of doing it all by yourself or not doing it all by yourself.

Bill: : It sounds like what you're pointing at right now is, um, the need and the value of being able to have conversations with people who can help you with critical thinking when there is a breakdown or an obstacle that, that you can't seem to get past on your own.

Marty: : That's one side of it, but it's also, you know, I, I could be a lot more fun to do it with other people. Yeah.

Bill: : am almost always surprised at how much fun it can be to collaborate with somebody. It's it's the mastermind idea. My mind combined with your mind. It does not equal two minds. It equals 100 times. It seems like the potential and possibility.

Marty: : Yeah.

Bill: : What else do we have to say about this? I kind of want to talk a little bit more about my almost lackadaisical. This is what it feels like to me. I want to make it, I want, I really want to have this be okay, but I'm feeling kind of lackadaisical this year about setting and objectives and, and achievements. and, uh, and I'm, for the most part, I feel pretty much okay about it. as of this recording. I'm 69 years old, but in March at the date on my birthday, I'll be 70 and the very next month I'll start collecting social security. And, uh, I did a bit of a reset at the end of the third quarter last year, recognizing I wanted more time to write and I wanted more time. I wanted more flex time. So I talked to the boss and I adjusted my schedule. Okay. that I was only committed to Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, between the hours of 8 a. m. and 5 p. m. for the, my coaching hours,

Marty: : Uh

Bill: : led me to having flex days, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday doing, in other words, doing whatever I want during those days. Often Fridays and Mondays are good, are great days for me to work on my business, to work on myself. And, um, And to do my writing the weekends kind of that happens on the weekends as well. And that has worked out very well. I expected that by limiting the amount of days, times and hours that I was available for coaching that income would drop. And I, and I said to myself, well, that's okay. It's okay if it does, I'm making enough money. Of course, I'd always like to make more, but that is becoming less and less of a concern of mine all the time. Uh, so now as I go into 2025, 2024 ended up being such a fabulous year in, in so many different ways. I did very well in my business financially. I had lots of time to create and write. I had lots of time to take off. And, and so for me, I'm kind of feeling like I'd like 2025 continue. What I began in 2024 without much of a reset, if any, at all

Marty: : mm-hmm . Mm-hmm

Bill: : secondary to my, maybe not secondary, but even equal to my goal of getting my book to the publisher and getting it published in 2025 is that at least once a quarter, I want to take off and do something. I want to get out of town. Um, so at the end of this month, my son and I are going to go to Port Angeles and we're going to do a writing retreat.

Marty: : Mm-hmm

Bill: : uh, I'm going to head out with a couple of IFS peers and we're going to have a, uh, a retreat on the Oregon coast. I've got a daughter in Boise and a son in Whidbey that I just, at Whidbey Island that I just mentioned. Uh, I've got a couple of sisters around that I'd like to spend more time with. So, I want to spend more time connecting with the people that are already in my life, but that I don't feel as connected to as I, I'd like to. Similar to your, to your friend or client that you just referred to earlier.

Marty: : Well, I don't hear any lack of enthusiasm. That's normally what I think of when I think of lackadaisical. It's just that it's not for like money or, or business building kind of goals. But it's for these, these wonderful other things that you have the spirit. Yeah,

Bill: : departure from the like high energy driving, add on more burden type of feel that goal setting typically in the past has had for me. And it's taken me this, this long, I guess, to get to this point. Apparently it has taken this long to get to the point where my goals are more about what can I remove? What can I let go of? so that I can put more energy into the things that I really, really love writing, coaching, family connection.

Marty: : gosh, I want to, I want, I want to say unguardedly. I'm just going to say, I think that's the way to be, you know, making the most Doing what you really want with the precious time that you have, you know, that seemed that and, you know, that sometimes it expresses itself, you know, in terms of business goals or, you know, health goals and it sounds to me like now this year for you, it's got more to do with, you know, The people and the kind of the way you're spending time with people.

Bill: : Couple of C's create creativity and connection. Yeah. I'd say that's probably it. By the way, I want to mention, uh, today being January 1st, it was either today or tomorrow that my brother Stan, Got sober and he's remained sober now 43 years. So shout out to brother Stan. I'll be calling him here just as soon as we finished recording. And with that in mind, I also want to mention that, you know, he did what a lot of people do and they say, I'm going to quit drinking, especially after New Year's Eve and how much I drank last night. I, I didn't drink last night. I'm just saying that, that when on New Year's Eve, we over party, drink too much, drug too much. too much or whatever we do too much of new year's day ends up being the resolution because the headaches right there, the hangovers there, the consequences. Of, of letting go so much, uh, on New Year's Eve hits us and many people say, that's it. I'm going to quit. And then they find, you know, that they're able to go a day or an hour or a week or a month and, and then they're back, they find themselves back at it again because it's just too hard. And, and what I want to say to, to folks that find themselves in a position like that is that good for you that you recognize that what you're doing isn't working and that you want to make a change. However, I want to offer with with my 42 years of sobriety now that an approach that is much kinder and much gentler and I believe much more effective is to be compassionate with yourself and to get curious about what parts of you would have you over drink, over eat, over sex, overdue to the point where you obviously recognize you need to make a change and then find that you can't because you're just wired. to do those kinds of things to, to that extreme passionate, be curious, reach out, get some help from somebody that's got some experience in recovery. That's not going to shame you sober. That's not going to scare you sober, but that's going to support you and help you to be compassionate and loving and curious about, about what it is that got you to this point in the first place. Start your healing journey. If there's going to be a resolution or a commitment, I really want to encourage you to, to, to Set a resolution to begin to heal, whatever it is that, that the overdoing overusing over whatever it is that you're overdoing is trying to manage anything else about reset new year planning goals, resolutions, any, anything else on your mind, Marty?

Marty: : We've been looking at, you know, what to do if you had a resolution or a plan or a goal and it, and it doesn't seem to be taking off yet. We talked a lot about that. Um, And I think we talked a little bit about the other possibility where you see, like, oh, you know, I don't, I don't need to, hold myself to that. Like, maybe, maybe it's, there's a reason why we didn't, we didn't discuss that side of it as much. But your example there of, uh, you know, your goal, your, uh, What you're enthusiastic about for 2025 being more about spending time with people you love as opposed to growing your business because it's growing. You don't need to have that as a goal. Um, that's an example of this. And, and I, I just want to make sure that I read you correctly. Do you feel any lackadaisical, is, is lackadaisical Is there any part of you that feels lackadaisical?

Bill: : yeah. There are parts of me that are so accustomed to driving so hard and pushing so hard. And making myself do go beyond, it shows up as simply as, as doing the dishes.

Marty: : Mm

Bill: : of me while I'm doing the dishes that say, I don't want to have to dry them now. And then other parts that are saying, well, it's lazy. You can't just let them air dry in the, in the tray there. You have to dry them and get them put away. there's, there is an ongoing conflict within me that, and parts that are showing up even now saying, well, gosh, you're only working. You're only taking appointments three days a week. Yeah. And you're letting yourself travel and spend money and spend time and, and, and, and spend and sitting at a coffee shop for a couple hours, connecting with someone, you know, how productive is that? That's not very efficient. You're, it's kind of lazy. So yes, there are parts of me that are still kind of chirping in the background that, that would rather have me working hard, breaking my back, pushing hard, and pushing that P up the, up the hill with my nose.

Marty: : hmm. So, all parts are welcome. There, you know, there's a reason, so to speak, why those parts are saying what they're saying inside of you. And just to go back, and yet, to go back to Byron Katie, is it true that you're a lackadais that you are lackadaisical? Mm hmm.

Bill: : And the answer would depend on what part is dominating. My conscious awareness right now as I listen to the question.

Marty: : Right, but so I get that, but I'm asking about the whole.

Bill: : Yeah, no, it's

Marty: : Are you a lackadaisical person? Do you have a problem with it? So, I mean, there's conversations to have with those parts for sure. I mean, I don't

Bill: : hard for me to relax, but I am not. So, it almost seems ridiculous to consider that I might be a laxative person. And anybody that knows me would have a similar reaction to what you're having. I don't know you, Bill, as someone that's lazy or laxative. I, I, my parts usually will not let me relax. Unless everything has been squared away.

Marty: : know. Right, but there's a place, there's a place to start a conversation with those parts now. Because you.

Bill: : Yep.

Marty: : You know the truth about yourself, and now we just need to, you know, find out what, what's, why are they, why, why are those parts raising this issue? What do they need? What, how do, how, how do they need to be attended to?

Bill: : Exactly. Yeah. Excellent conversations to have. That's that deeper dive that we talked about earlier. And, um, I want to maybe mention one more thing. I, I was sent a link for a video to listen to Rupert Spira speak. You ever heard of him?

Marty: : I have not.

Bill: : He reminds me a lot of Eckhart Tolle. Uh, without the English accent, but you know, very slow pace, very thoughtful, very deep. And I wrote down a couple of things that he said that just really jumped out for me. Uh, he was in a setting where he's talking to people that are asking him questions. And at the beginning of this video, a young man has, is asking him some questions related to his suffering. So he had some pretty cool things to say to this young man. And one of them was. Be interested in your suffering, but don't go to war with it. Just be curious. And of course, in IFS, we would say, be curious. And the other thing that he said, and this, this really relates to what we've been talking about today, I think, is that there's a, there's a, there's power in the present moment. There's power in the now, but most of us live on the edge of now. And we're busy becoming so busy becoming that we never slow down to be in the present moment and just be. too busy becoming. spoke directly to me and those parts of me that are constantly driving, telling me I'm lazy if I'm not producing, not being efficient. So it was good for me and my parts to hear that yesterday from Rupert.

Marty: : That's awesome, yeah. I would even go so far as to say there's all powers only in the now. There's no power in the past or the future. It's only in the now.

Bill: : Yeah,

Marty: : And so, but I love that. Yeah, we, um, all those other places that the mind goes, you know, there's, there's something to look at and tend to, and, you know, uh, work with there. But, um, it's when those conversations get complete that we're back in the now and, and at our most powerful.

Bill: : maybe a good place to end.

Marty: : On power. I love it.

Bill: : Until our next episode. Thanks for watching. Thanks for listening. And we'll catch you next episode. Thanks, Marty.