This video explores my journey from being unconsciously driven to making conscious choices, and my quest for an authentic self-recovery through the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS). Learn how embracing choice can transform your life and lead you to thrive.

About 25 years ago, I stepped away from the living of my life far enough to make a profound observation. I saw that my life consisted of a series of reactions to the circumstances in my life. Further, I realized that I was reacting to my interpretations of those circumstances. I perceived almost everything as a potential threat, a criticism, a slight, or evidence that I wasn’t safe, appreciated or liked. I reacted by withdrawing from life and playing it safe.

In the Internal Family Systems model, we refer to our subpersonalities as “parts.” There are two categories of parts: Exiles and Protectors. Exiled parts are hidden away and are managed and protected by Protector parts. There are two kinds of Protectors: Managers and Firefighters.

Constellations are teams of parts that are organized around a shame-based belief formed at some time in the unresolved past. Until that belief is seen as untrue, the pain that the belief causes will continue. Protectors will continue to protect, and exiled parts will continue to be exiled. In this video, I use a whiteboard and Post-it notes to illustrate an example of a constellation of parts.

A common and destructive core belief is that circumstances and other people are responsible for how we feel. This same belief when applied in reverse makes us responsible for how others feel. We know a belief isn’t true when it causes us to suffer. In this short video, I talk about how this belief is at the core of codependent relationships and what to do to change the belief.

When I am getting to know a part or working with a client who is getting to know a part of themselves, I usually start with what is already known about the part. What happens when under the influence of (blended with) this part? In this video I talk about how helpful this is, especially when asking about the impact of the blending.