I’ve been married 3 times. In my first two marriages I experienced a lot of pain, misunderstanding, resentment, and arguments. The relationships didn’t work. I also struggled to connect with my kids through the years. I wasn’t a great father to them.

Why bring up the past? The past is in the past, right? Well, yes. But only if you are watching the clock and the calendar.

When we love the way we learned to love from people who had unhealed childhood trauma, our love is conditional. It is a trauma response. What we think of as love is actually a set of conditions that influence our thoughts, emotions, body sensations, impulses, choices, reactions, and behaviors in love relationships.

Let’s face it. Maintaining healthy relationships can be difficult. Despite internal arguments that we would be better off alone, we need each other. We need connection. It’s an evolutionary thing. The species wouldn’t survive without collaboration.

Communication breakdowns threaten connection and community. It’s no wonder that these two words, community and communication have their roots in the word, commune which means to share one’s intimate thoughts or feelings with someone.

When receiving a warm referral, you have an overwhelming advantage over the competition. Unless a business already has sufficient demand for its services, it is crucial to develop relationships with others who refer new clients.

Growing up, I often heard, “You should be ashamed of yourself” when something I had done was judged as wrong or unacceptable. When this message came from my parents and teachers, I believed them. Being told I should be ashamed was so painful that I scrambled to understand what I had done so I never again had to feel the pain of being shamed.

I’m sitting in the passenger seat. My wife is driving. We are both very familiar with this part of town, but we don’t share the same brain so when she turns left, I hear myself say, “You should have gone straight.” This is the third or forth time I have back-seat driven from the passenger seat and she’s running out of patience with me. “You shouldn’t tell me how to drive,” she snaps.

Life can often feel like the arcade game, Whack-a-Mole. A problem shows up, we whack it and then wait for the next one to show up so we can whack it before the next one shows up so we can… whack it!

Most of us have a list a mile long of things we HAVE to get done. You probably have tasks in different buckets; housework, business work, family work, extracurricular work, volunteer work. The list goes on. Do you ever feel like your task list is holding you back from getting done the things that really matter? This article will walk you through 6 questions to teach you how to improve your efficiency.

There are three reasons someone hasn’t already achieved their desire result.

1. They lack the clarity to know what they want,

2. They don’t believe they deserve what they want, and

3. They have been unconsciously and automatically producing the results they have always gotten.

In this article I discuss how to address all these reasons using the IFS model.

How I work with my clients, what is required, how we determine fit, commitments, and costs of Results Coaching and Consulting

Business relationships can be productive and rewarding. They can also be challenging when they trigger the unresolved past evidenced by strong emotions and extreme reactions. This article describes the experience of an executive client and demonstrates a process for responding as the fully resourced professional you are capable of being.

What path are you on? Have you settled for a life of suffering? Or do you believe there’s more? Whether you are just beginning on a path of personal development or have been traveling for some time, what’s next?

Healthy boundaries are not as much about other people as they are about you. A healthy boundary is a recognition of your level of comfort and your capacity to respond in a way that reflects current reality rather than reacting to something that reminds you of the painful or scary past.

With awareness of what drains or restores capacity, you gain access to the clarity needed to choose wisely what you give your attention and energy to. More awareness means more clarity. More clarity leads to better choices. When it comes to capacity and overwhelm, making better choices means having enough capacity to respond when unexpected challenges or opportunities present themselves.

We perceive the events and circumstances of our lives through a lens which is shaped by our beliefs. Beliefs that accurately reflect reality help us maintain ample capacity for processing what life serves up while remaining mentally and emotionally balanced. Beliefs that don’t align with reality reduce our capacity to process the events and circumstances of our lives. When our beliefs don’t align with current reality, we easily become overwhelmed. Our bucket easily and often spills over.

Internal conflict can create dysfuncition and lack of clarity. It can make it difficult to make good decisions. What if you had a quick and reliable way to resolve inner conflict?

It’s time to redefine recovery. Discover how Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy can transform your healing journey. Start your path to inner harmony and healing with IFS today!

Bill Tierney Coaching, Spokane, Washington, Results Coaching for individuals and businesses.